Cleaning Lady
I need a cleaning lady!

Literally! I hate cleaning which is ironic because if there’s one thing I hate more than cleaning its living in a house that looks like your local landfill. We have boys in our house and the older they get the messier they become. Your kids should get tidier as they get older, right? Wrong! Our house usually smells like a combination gym locker and sweat lodge.

My mom was a stickler for a clean home because she loved to entertain. She also worked a full-time and a part-time job so she needed lot’s of help from the rest of us to keep things tidy. Naturally, when things were in disarray when mom walked in the door there was hell to pay.

I’ve inherited that clean bug from mom but I don’t have her endless energy. Luckily for me I married a wonderful woman who shares my same desire for an orderly, clean house. Sadly, it’s been a two man crew trying to stay ahead of a house full of boys who don’t see the value of an organized, neat home.

There are two specific things that have become my huge pet peeves:

1) Socks – They are everywhere. Under couches, in the kitchen, on and under beds, sitting in the middle of the living room, in the hallway, by the bookcase. There are dirty, smelly socks everywhere except where they belong: in the sock basket.
2) Cups – The cups are usually stacked or in clusters right next to the socks. Every time I rinse a cup that has been sitting on the table for hours, I turn away from the sink only to find another cup in it’s place. It’s freaky and it’s freakin’ annoying.

So far, no matter what the Mrs. and I do, nothing has changed so I’m on the verge of taking very drastic measures. I’m ready to rent a blow torch and a dumpster to burn every sock in our house that is not a Size 13 and melt every plastic and glass cup down to one big urn that they can drink from.

It would actually be amusing to see them sticking their mouths on the faucet to get a drink. Except that would open up a whole new can of germ infested worms.

Maybe when they are wrapping old underwear around their feet in the winter before they slip their toes into their Nikes they’ll realize I’m serious about this whole sock affair. Can you imagine the conversation starters they would encounter at school?

“Dude, you don’t have any socks?”
“Nah, my dad burned ’em….said we weren’t worthy of socks.”
“That bites!”
“No, it socks!”

Later….

“Oh, dude can I get a drink of water?”
“Sure, put your mouth on the tap and I’ll turn it on for you.”
“Huh? You don’t have any cups either?”
“Nah-”
“Don’t tell me, your dad doesn’t think you’re worthy.”
“Yeah.”
“That sucks!”
“Yep, you suck too…the faucet I mean.”

I need a cleaning lady!

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