Life is like a bowl of mixed nuts – If you’re one of the good ones, you get eaten up first

"Life is like a box of chocolates (or nuts) 'ya never know what 'yer gonna 'git" - Forrest Gump

Lately (as in six days and counting) I’ve been trying to live my life like a Boy Scout – On my honor I will do my best To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.

I’m checking off the list like J-Lo in an American Idol sort of way:
I’m doing my best…check!
I’m doing my duty to God…check!
I’m doing my duty to my Country…not yet ’cause I’m getting hung up on all of the crazy people around me.

Seriously, we all know that the world is crazy at times but the more you stay abreast of current events the more you realize that people are crazier than we’ve ever imagined. And there are a lot of crazy people living in close proximity to me than I initially thought possible. The funny thing is, I can see a little bit of me in all of the madness.

Is it possible? Should I consider a stint on a couch with an overpaid shrink? Or are all of the crazy people like me really the ones using the right coping skills and all of you sane people are the real nut jobs?

For example, this guys crazy antics is how I often envision my life turning out some days for the sheer fact that I was laughing at the end of the story. I don’t know what possessed the guy to go ballistic but if he is frustrated with the day to day of life than I can totally understand. I mean, I can imagine walking into my house to find a strange woman sitting there in my comfy chair in front of my TV watching The Belzebub Show (A.K.A The Oprah Show), drinking my Diet Coke, eating my rice and chicken. I can look past the Diet Coke ’cause I don’t really care for the stuff but I drink it because that’s what we pseudo-health conscious guys do. But if you’re going to sit in my designated seat on the couch and watch Sofia give away free jack to her mininons while eating MY rice, someone’s gonna get The Color Purple [buttocks] real quick! And who hasn’t wanted to walk over to the neighbor’s house and just pull their pants down? Just sayin!

Then there is the story of this Sheen-esque winner (who’s really a loser if you ask me). I think my wife can totally sympathize with this guy although I still believe that she’s crazy when she says that I snore. Who in the world goes crazy from a little bit of insomnia? Apparently this dude does. And for what reason? I mean, seriously? It wasn’t like you had to get up in the middle of the night to warm up a baby’s bottle, change a diaper or pat a troubled child back to sleep. It’s not like you have to get enough rest because you have to go to work in the morning. You needed your sleep because….you don’t want to ruin your sleep pattern by getting confused between your evening nap and your morning nap!

If this guy was worn out from pulling a double shift at the mine or in a dump truck or even at the local Maverick to eek out a living for his family I can get on his bandwagon and play the banjo…or the spoons…whichever gives me more elbow room to impress the ladies. I will never condone murder but I can show a tiny bit of compassion if this story was about a stay-at-home mom that could no longer stand losing sleep because her husband’s inconsiderate clogged nasal passage is keeping her up at night. But c’mon dude! You can sleep all day and all night and the guards at the State Hospital will thank you for it. Why did you have to take another life when you’re already squeezing the life out of my tax dollars?

Speaking of tax dollars going to waste who isn’t appalled at the fact that a convicted sex offender was just issued walking papers yesterday? I don’t care if a technicality in the law says that the guy is incompetent. I don’t care that a judge is of the opinion that this guy is not considered a danger to society. What I do care about is the possibility of this guy being around children.

I live the law (except when I drive 30MPH in a 25MPH zone and I’m trying to kick that habit) but the law has failed us in this instance. I don’t know much about the legaleze surrounding the case but I do know that this is NOT right. Oh and also, I think his mom is crazy for being happy that he’s coming back home. Who wants to have the media sitting on your lawn, the neighborhood watch staking out your house and the rest of the world watching your every move?

Yeah, I may be a little crazy but for my sake and for everyone around me I’m trying my best to stay out of the nut race.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s