From the “Thank God I’m NOT” file…

Stupid is as stupid does….Professor Forrest Gump

I don’t read Star Magazinebecause, well, its Star Magazine. If you want to know how aliens

This chick (Lindsay Lohan) has some SERIOUS issues!

are impregnating the female population of our species, where Elvis and Michael Jackson are or see photos of the 1,000-pound man than Star Magazine is a good source for bad information.

I don’t follow a lot of celebrity gossip because I really don’t care who Madonna is married to these days, I don’t care about Justin Beiber’s haircut, I really don’t care about Jersey Shore hacks or any other reality ‘celebrity’ for that matter. Nothing in the lives of celebrities matters to me and if anyone starts up a conversation with a Charlie Sheen reference you can guarantee I will either walk as far away from you as possible or I’ll save the wear-and-tear on my walking shoes and just slap the Charlie Sheen out of your mouth and memory.

There is, however, a reason why we should stay abreast of celebrity news and gossip and that is, to avoid making any of the boneheaded mistakes that they often make. Oh, and there’s always something to give us a good, hearty laugh.

Today’s laugh comes from Lindsay Lohan who provides us with enough laughs for a full stand-up comedy set. She has given us enough material to write a How-To Avoid Being a World-Class Idiot book and if she hasn’t given us a bookful, we can throw in a bit of her dad’s idiocy in as a companion guide.

Lohan has been on the wrong side of the law for several years now, mostly owing to her inability to stay off the booze and drugs. Her most recent run in with the law will most likely earn her another trip to jail and more probation.

Now here’s the funny thing – Lohan now insists that she’s being targeted by the law because she’s a celebrity. Oh boy! So Ms. Lohan, are you saying that if you were a regular Jane Doe racking up the the DUI’S/DWI’s, walking off with expensive fur coats and jewelry, you would be treated fairly? Last time I checked, the Average Joe would most likely be sitting in jail for months on end (if you’re lucky) until a judge decides to even review your case. You’ve spent a few hours here and there in a lockdown rehab because no one can figure out what’s wrong with a girl who has everything in the world, but is so intent on blowing it all away.

Parent’s, next time you think you’re kid is a major screw-up, drive down to your local supermarket, stand in line and read the headlines on those exhausing celebrity magazines at the check-out line and you’ll walk away thanking God that your kid is NOT Lindsay Lohan.

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