Grab him! He has my wet wipes

I'm amazed by the endless stream of dirtbags walking our streets.

I’m still laughing at this headline about a diaper bag thief just because it shows the lengths that some people will go to in order to take advantage of others. I’m sure the owner of the diaper bag is probably still traumatized by the crime because the dude used her credit and debit cards to clean her out.

How desperate do you have to be to steal a diaper bag? I wonder what it would be like to be the head of a crime family that specializes in the theft of diaper bags.

“Hey Vito, we’re pretty low on diaper rash cream. The boys need to step up their efforts.”

“Right boss. By the way, Carlo swiped a sweet Gucci number from the day care on141st Street. Check out this Binky!”

“Oh, that is nice! Tell ya what. I’ll trade these two teething bracelets for that and a couple of tickets to Disney on Ice. Wha’da’ya say?”

“Throw in a dozen assorted Onesies and you got’cher-self a deal!”

And how do you stake out your target?

“Hey Carlo! There’s a baby shower goin down. Get your butt over here now!”

“What? No, I got my eye on a huge score at Toys-R-Us. We’re talkin’ stroller, a bag and a frumpy sweater all in one hit. It’s the motherlode!”

I’ve never committed any crimes (at least none that I’ll admit to) in my life but I can guarantee you that no matter how hard up I am I draw the line at stealing diaper bags and bum fights when it comes to making a quick buck. If that were a lucrative career the Hollywood landscape would be a whole lot different for that genre with headlines like ‘The Great Diaper Heist’ or ‘The Italian Babysitting Job’. Steve Guttenberg, Tom Selleck and Ted Danson would all be back in business.

Once again I’m amazed by the endless stream of dirt-bags walking our streets.

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