Remember when I told you the story about the dude that has problems with personal space? Well he still doesn’t get the clue and I’m pretty sure that he will never get it because I think its just the way he is.
I thought I was rid of him but sadly, it was just wishful thinking. And apparently, even though I am very uncomfortable when Mr. Personal Space Pirate is around, he seems to be much more comfortable around me. Comfortable enough to release natural gases into the air that not only put a larger hole in the ozone, but actually kill everything natural within what was formerly known as my personal space.
Yeah, you read that right and I apologize if it makes you squeamish and brings back bad memories of Junior High school and the kid who could not contain himself but I just have to tell you this because I’m living in my own personal hell when this guy is around. I’m officially changing his name from Mr. Personal Space Pirate to King Toot-In-Panties.
I mean, who does that crap (no pun intended)?
Here I am, minding my own business, breathing the fresh mountain air when up walks King TP (just a whammy away from needing toilet paper), who continues to not only invade my “Everyone-But-Me-Zone”, but he then proceeds to violate and assault my senses.
All of the kids and parents who are smart enough to stay away from me and King TP must be wondering why my eyes are watering every time he is near me. Is it because he’s whispering sweet-nothings in my ears? Is it because I’m allergic to him (maybe but not quite)? No, its because he stands up wind and releases his own wind.
And yet, I don’t know if I should be offended (emotionally because my senses are beyond offended) or if I should just laugh. Does he do this in his place of employment? Does he do it at church? Is he passing on these gems of wisdom and etiquette to his offspring? Surely he has not set aside this kindness just for me?
I’m a nice guy, but this is getting ridiculous. I wonder if there is a help hotline for guys who have no manners and if there is, they should offer a reward for these types of repeat offenders. If you need a good laugh at my expense just let me know, I will introduce you to King TP and maybe you guys will hit it off and be thick as (spatial and gastric) thieves.