Single guys out there are going to hate me for this post but I had the urge to write it after reading a few posts by women that described (sometimes in detail) how they are being treated and mistreated by men.
I’ve been very up front about the fact that I’m ‘ol skool. I grew up with a dad who never talked about reproductive organs, shagging, wanking or bagging your trophy wife. Those terms may seem a bit crude but if you were to eavesdrop in on a conversation between two single guys, even two junior high school tweeners I think you would find my terms a little easier to stomach.
When I was a pimple-faced, testosterone driven teen there was only one way to announce your intentions towards a person of romantic interest – the subtle, creative and chivalrous way. There was a time that you had to win a woman’s affections through words and small, perceptive, Machiavellian means. Okay, you also had to be a bit cunning we all know that’s part of the game, right? My point is, the game continues to change and in many ways I fear it is corrupting the moral and social fabric of what was once the most beautiful thing about the human species.
Note: Super Mom may be wondering where all this wisdom is coming from since it took me nearly three years to put a ring on it and I am still working on spontaneity and romanticism but hear me out for a heartbeat longer.
What Super Mom will attest to in our courtship and in our marriage is that while we were dating and even after our nuptials, I pronounced and professed my love to her through the best (and most alluring) medium I know how: Words. I can’t sing, I can hardly dance and she may never get a Ferrari under the tree at Christmas-time but Super Mom will tell you that the thing she enjoys most is reading my prose.
The very first letter I wrote to a girl was intercepted by my 3rd Grade teacher Mrs. Eyring. She held me after school and I thought that I was going to be asked to invite my parents to come back with me the following morning and talk to the principal about my antics and intentions. Instead, she smiled that magnificent, toothy smile and informed me that if I wrote my book reports the same way that I wrote that letter to my grade-school crush, I would pass 3rd grade without a hitch.
As a teen I recall being enlisted to play Hercule-Sainien for a bumbling yet dear friend who was infatuated with a lovely girl in a neighboring village in Samoa. Needless to say our hoax was uncovered and although she eventually ended up dating him, we would often laugh about our charade and how hopeless he was in love that he would ask me to feed him with lines.
Fast track to today’s dating game and the travesty it has become. Young bucks have tossed the romantic notion of chivalry and donned the thuggish mentality that all a girl wants these days is a guy with the hippest ride, a healthy portion of swagger, a set of pecs and abs and a whole lot of attitude. We went from cave dweller to enlightened to hustler and that seems to have happened in the last century. And (some) women are not off the hook because they have perpetuated the myth that a guy with the prettiest feathers or the biggest beak wins the prey when in actuality she was never prey to begin with and I believe most women are entitled to a breadwinner, a nurturer, a protector, a soul-mate, a man.
It’s complicated I know but if I’ve learned anything in my life about love it is through this quote by writer, producer and musician Oscar Hammerstein (that guy had made skills), “Do you love me because I’m beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?”
Everyone has their way of luring that special someone into their love snare. There is honestly not a single, right way of doing it. But in the end it is what evolves and grows from that love that matters. Super Mom and I may not be the ideal couple to many on the outside looking in but we work through our differences and we have five incredible boys that are a testament to our love for each other.
If being a thug works for you than have at it and love her like you’ve never loved anything or anyone before. To that end I leave you with the immortal words of yet another Oscar (Wilde), “Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man’s last romance.”