At a Polynesian feast you can guarantee that there will be a lot of untouched salad

She says she’s a vegetarian. Who has ever heard of a Polynesian vegetarian? I didn’t until my sister told me this week that my niece is a vegetarian to which I responded, “She’s a what?!”

In our extended family you can be whatever you want and we encourage our children to pursue those goals with gusto.

You wanna be a lawyer? Go for it, but make sure that you have the stomach for dishonorable and despicable people.

You wanna be a doctor? Go for it but make sure you have the stomach for blood and gore and scaly skin.

You wanna be a vegetarian? Hoooold up! You wanna be a what? Are you out of your pork fed, beef eating mind? Back up the BBQ wagon we gotta talk about this one for a minute while I hide this Cafe Rio steak burrito in my gut.

I haven’t had a chance to confirm with my niece’s mom (my other sister) but where did her daughter get the notion that eating like a chicken instead of eating the chicken is an acceptable diet at our family luau’s? While we’re stuffing our faces full of kalua pork and lamb chops she’s going to feast on…broccoli? When she goes to a Polynesian home there are two things you can set your clock by: 1) there will be plenty of meat and 2) there will be plenty of untouched salad. Is she crazy?

I’m a bit distraught and I don’t mean to offend vegetarians and vegans the world over but is this girl nuts? Maybe it’s just a phase she’s going through but the minute I see her chow down on some teriyaki beef I’ll know that she’s okay and she can go on to bigger and better things like nursing.

But if she doesn’t, I’ll still love my niece. I just won’t invite her to any BBQ’s because have you ever had grilled lettuce before?