I’m going to a wedding but it feels like a rave

I openly admit that I am a snob when it comes to certain things. I don’t have a large, sundry list of “certain things” and seeing or acknowledging those things in my daily life don’t happen often. But when one of my pet peeves rears its ugly head, suddenly everyone is in an equal opportunity market and I’m shopping around for things to decorate my war party with. You follow me?

One of my more bizarre pet peeves is that I’m a stickler for wedding etiquette, particularly when it comes to wedding attendee attire. My point of contention is simple: when I attend a wedding reception (especially if I am actually invited and received an announcement in the mail) I go with the expectation that this is going to be at least a semi-formal occasion and that the bride and groom expect me to be clean, well-groomed and on my best behavior. And there’s where it gets a bit touchy. If I have to dress up, then everybody else better be dressed up or I’m going to throw a male tantrum to rival every dude who has ever appeared and lost on “The Bachelor”.

This doesn’t always happen. And if there are certain cultural norms there are even more expectations that make wedding receptions even more difficult for me because I’m too lazy to dress up and who wants to see single ladies trip over each other and tear their tops off for a bouquet of flowers? Okay maybe that’s the most entertaining part of the wedding reception but I’m not going to tell the bride and groom that.

This past Friday I went to the first wedding reception in a long time. Did I tell you I loathe wedding receptions? But I will be duty-bound to go if someone can provide a compelling argument to go and on this occasion I went because I happen to think the groom is a good kid and also because I haven’t seen his parents (whom I adore) and my extended family in quite some time (I love them too).

The setting was beautiful, the decorations were tactful and there was an overall air of class and comfort. Until the guests started arriving and suddenly I was Carson Kressley filming an episode of “Queer Eye”, pointing out all of the men in the group who didn’t bother to shower or wear a decent pair of pants.

When did wearing a Lakers jersey, a ball cap and skinny jeans become acceptable garb for a wedding reception? Incidentally this getup was worn by a dude who looked like he was 50 and his kids (or grandkids) were similarly dressed though they were also wearing different hues of grease down the front of the yellow Lakers logo from wedding reception fare. My buddy Rudy would call that sacrilegious.

Do I sound snotty and snobby enough? I apologize for being frank but my mom always taught us as kids that whether we like it or not, our appearance matters in every aspect of your life. I know, it’s superficial and the world is good at being superficial but wouldn’t you think twice about wearing something outrageous if you’re going to be a distraction at someone’s wedding?

It doesn’t have to be name-brand it doesn’t even have to be new but be clean for the sake of honoring and showing respect for the couple on their special day; unless of course you’re at a wedding that has a particular theme. I would love to go to a cowboy themed wedding because there is something appealing about donning a pair of Wranglers, sliding on a pair of boots and a nesting a ten gallon hat on my melon. Now that’s a party!

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4 Responses to I’m going to a wedding but it feels like a rave

  1. LyfesLyfe says:

    I’m not a big fan of over the top, themed, dual cultural weddings myself. There’s too much going on. How are we polys? lol It’s just fun to see everyone, but not to dress up. Although I do love black tie and white tie events because those are rare.

  2. John Normal says:

    This is why I like nudist weddings. Everyone has a birthday suit, and you can go skinny dipping after the traditional food fight.

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