In another life I imagine myself with five beautiful daughters. In that life I am a hot mess. I live with a shot gun by the door, a taser in my night stand and a bumper sticker on my bullet proof VW van that says,

“Warning: Daughter not sold separately. Includes dad and weapons of mass destruction!”

In that imaginary life my daughters tell everyone that they are being raised by nuns in a convent and that they cannot invite anyone over because the nuns kidnap and send boys into slave labor in some unknown remote region of the Amazon. In truth, they are just afraid that their dad would embarrass them in front of any boys that they might be interested in and they would be (sadly for them) right.

The only accurate portrayal of the dad I would have been with daughters would be Phil Dunphy in the ABC sitcom Modern Family. This clip would totally be me and thank goodness for those little girls who never had the misfortune of calling me dad. My sons suffer a totally different kind of embarrassment.

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