7 Things I blame on my daddy

Christopher Krumm killed his dad, James Krumm and his dad’s girlfriend Heidi Arnold, both professors at Casper College. This is no longer a rare occurrence. Each day we read, hear or see people dying at the hands of their loved ones for one reason or another. In this sad case the motive behind the killings is so asinine and unfair that I cannot even connect the dots to make a substantive picture of it all.

According to reports, the younger Krumm killed the older Krumm because he believes that his father ‘gave’ him Asperger’s Syndrome and that he should be castrated to prevent him from having more children.

Unfortunately this dude is not the only kid who thought to blame his dad (or mom) for some flaw in his health, character, economic situation or social status. How many of us have blamed our parents for having a big nose, bad metabolism, squat legs, brown eyes, crooked teeth and an angry disposition? Okay maybe that’s just me but you get my point right? Blaming genetics for your problems is a lot like being mad at a cow for eating a strawberry bush and yet it still cannot produce strawberry milk. It is against the laws of nature.

So to be fair to Christopher Krumm, I have created my own list of things that my dad should (have) died for:

  1. For giving me life – I didn’t ask to be born but he and my mom got together, fell in love and suddenly there I was spitting out mashed peas from both ends and filling their house with strange baby noises.
  2. For teaching me about life – I had no desire to learn about birds and bees, how to be a good kid, how to work hard and all that other crap they taught me as a kid. Dad would ask me stupid questions like “What do you want to be when you’re older?” and all I could think was, “Can you just leave me alone?”
  3. For providing food and shelter – All I wanted to do was run wild with the animals, tear meat off a carcass that I had hunted down on my own, drink from a stream bloated with the carcasses of other dead animals and wear their skins. Yet dad and mom insisted I sit up straight, eat my vegetables, drink lots of water to stay hydrated and do my laundry so I dressed decent. Stupid.
  4. For loving my uniqueness – I had rebel in my genes that must have skipped a generation because all dad wanted to do was help other people, read books and pray. But even though I was a bit different, they never asked me to conform and they never condemned me for being weird. Instead they loved me harder. Total waste of effort.
  5. For my plain looks – My dad was a good looking guy and my mom was gorgeous. If the ‘different’ gene skipped a generation than the good looks passed me over too. How in the world do two good looking people manage to have an offspring with such a mangled and disproportionate face?
  6. For a work ethic – Seriously? Did dad always have to be such a hard worker? Did he always have to set aside time to help people at church, in the community or random strangers on the street? Worse, did he have to be such an example of service that I have to feel guilty when I don’t do the same? Lame.
  7. For gentle reminders – Dad did not force his agenda on anyone but he made extra efforts to remind us that there is more to life than money, prestige, power and wealth. What? No wonder I’m dirt poor. My dad didn’t give me that win at all costs attitude and that just sucks.

I don’t want to make light of Christopher Krumm’s illness because Asperger’s Syndrome is very serious and requires a lot of time and attention to manage and treat. But the manner in which his father and his father’s girlfriend were killed is sad and unfortunate. I blamed my parents for a lot of frivolous and inconsequential things but I’m so glad that I realized and expressed gratitude for all the wonderful things that they did for me while they were alive.

What have you blamed your parents for and what things are you grateful to them for?

 

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9 Responses to 7 Things I blame on my daddy

  1. I blamed my mom for just about everything in my teen years. Now that she’s gone and I have a child of my own, I’m most apt to blame her for instilling in me a sense of hope that keeps me toiling through the hard times.

    • Seti Matua says:

      Deborah, I was brutal to my parents until about 17-years-old and spent a year away. I realized after a month how much they sacrificed for me and how much they truly loved me. Hindsight is definitely 20/20

  2. Susana Danso says:

    I learned later on when I became an adult that my dad received a scholarship to attend BYU Hawaii shortly after graduating from CCWS, and he turned it down. Why? I don’t know all the details. But I’ve always wondered if our lives could have been better off financially if he were to take that opportunity. We lacked a lot of the finer things in life but we were never hungry or lack clothes to put on our backs. My dad who has a disability worked hard to build his family shelter where ever he and my mother were called to serve. Thinking back to the hard times we went through as a family I can’t help but wonder if things would have been better for us. So if I were to read your article from my childhood perspective then yes I would probably use the word blame, and probably exted that blame on to my mother for not pushing for the BYU agenda, and I would then extend the blame to the man upstairs who gave them that sacred calling to be missionaries. And I don’t dare do that….God forbid!
    I remember one time one of my siblings asked him why he opt out and he only smiled but then my mother answered for him and said. It was not easy to decide but then we have already given God our promise and we trusted he will see us through and bless us. As I look at our family now and the blessings that have come through my parents service and sacrifices I can honestly say, No. It would not have make a difference, The blessings that would’ve come early on in their lives were only posponed for them to enjoy in their later years. As for their children well, we all have our routes to take in life and lessons to be learned. I just hope I’ll have the guts to follow in their footsteps and to take the road less traveled.
    Thank you for this article Seti. I wish I had time to peruse through all of them and read read read. Keep up the good work!

    • Seti Matua says:

      It’s hard to analyze the ‘what-ifs’ in life and any possible roads that may have diverted us from the path that our lives take. I too have wondered the same things but always come back to the same (biblical) conclusion – “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” It may never make much sense to us why our parents did the things they did but I have to agree that your parents, like mine had a greater cause and purpose to fulfill and for that I we are all grateful. What a wonderful example your parents are of sacrifice, honor and commitment. Faafetai le alofa!

  3. Who Wants To Know? says:

    Seti, my response comes is combined with non-Gospel and Gospel ideals…just my thoughts. =))

    I understand why one would locate and in their seemingly logical state of mind place blame on the parents for their total, individual outcome, but personally, with all the resources and tools available at one’s disposal I look at that route as the weakest excuse to apply.
    We are intelligent human beings at varying degrees of maturity, comprehension, development, intelligence, spiritual growth, mental and emotional health, etc… and yet with all this some are easily lead to believing that the quickest and safest way to avoid all accountability is to place blame on those within their homes: parents, siblings, relatives. There are also those who resort to “playing the victim,” the rest of their lives and can never find the peace and happiness their spirit and soul yearns for. We are intelligent human beings capable of making positive changes in our own environment.that can produce happy and harmonious effects in our lives and those around us.
    So my question to those who utilize these nonproductive avenues is: “What have YOU done to find happiness and BE happy?”

    • Seti Matua says:

      Now there’s a word that hardly spoken and yet carries so much meaning = Accountability

      Personal responsibility has a lot to do with how we respond to life’s challenges. A very good addition and thanks for pointing that out.

  4. Anonymous says:

    This is such a tragedy that has hit this town. I know so many people who have been affected by it. They are still uncovering things leading up to it. It breaks my heart that he thought this was the option to take. I know when I was a kid I blamed my parents for things but nothing worth hurting let a lone killing them over. It saddens me that people can take another’s life so easily.

    • Seti Matua says:

      Sadly this is becoming so common that it is rare when we don’t see something of this nature on a daily basis. I cannot say that I have ever been in a situation when I was so angry with a family member that I wanted to kill them. I hope I never know what that feels like.

  5. Reblogged this on Island Breeze and commented:
    Great blog to read and think about how our parents have influenced our lives in so many ways.

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