There is a lie that I have been telling myself for many years now. It is a lie that I have perpetuated for a good part of eighteen years. It is a lie that I believe most parents will tell without batting an eye and for good reason – it sounds good, it sounds plausible and when it comes right down to it, we actually believe that we can do it.
The lie is – I would do anything for my kids.
How many times have you heard someone say, “I would kill someone for my child?” Lie. The truth is, if Lil Johnny came to me and said, ‘Daddy can you kill Bobby for me? He keeps winning everything.’ No Lil Johnny that’s not how we resolve conflicts in relationships. But if someone were to enter my home, threaten my family and put Lil Johnny’s life in peril, than we’re talking about a whole different kind of conflict and chances are, I will do whatever it takes to protect my family. Two different scenarios, two very different responses. Shanna Widner’s mom Wanda Holloway chose a different course, which is why I refuse to believe that killing someone for the sake of putting my child on a pedestal and to elevate my own status is out of the question.
How many times have you read stories of people lying or playing the system in order to gain an advantage for their child, to keep their child out of jail or to make sure that their child wins? This may sound stupid to people who have done these types of things before but the thought (so far) has never crossed my mind. Sure, I’ve gone to great lengths to make sure that my sons run harder, jump higher, speak clearer, study longer and I am guilty of asking people to tutor, mentor or spend extra time with my sons to get better at something, anything. But I have never considered paying someone (I’m poor) to throw a game, doing a favor for someone in order to gain favor and I will never lie in order to save my sons from a consequence of their own actions. The new developments in the Shabazz Muhammad case is the most recent example of how parents will do anything to put their kids in a position to win at all costs.
If my sons willingly plan and participate in a crime I will not protect them from prosecution. On the other hand, if my sons are being persecuted, bullied, harassed or harmed for their beliefs the savage parental beast within me will instinctively be unleashed. I am a firm believer in paying for ones crimes. I am equally fixed in my belief that no one should fears for his/her own safety when exercising their God-given rights and their agency. Mary Susan Cascaden loves her boy, but her love is helping him break the law.
I will not clean up after them when they are thirty. Hey, I spent the first months of your life wiping your butt and cleaning up your crap. I’m still cleaning up the crap you leave on the floor in your room, the dishes you forgot to wash for the fourth straight day in a row, the laundry you conveniently slip into my laundry basket and you think I’m going to keep doing that when you’re old enough to have your own kids? My parents did several things right when they raised us and one of the best things they taught us was to clean my room, the house, the yard and pretty much any place where I or even someone else makes a mess. What kind of men are we raising if I allow my sons to treat our home like they are hotel guests and I am their host, cleaner and janitor without any repercussions? I would be raising the kind who have no self-respect; men who do not respect the property of others; men who are not self-sufficient, who are co-dependent and irresponsible. Today you’re cleaning up their messes around the house, tomorrow you’ll be cleaning up the mess they have made of their life. Here’s an interesting article about Adult Children Working the “Parent System”.
I guess in a way I am cultivating yet another lie in my mind because the truth is I really would do anything for my kids – as long as it is legal, moral, ethical, honorable, fair, unbiased, reasonable and right and as long as it does not impinge, impact, or strip another persons’ rights nor should it ever harm another person or even my sons in any way. In which case, I’m not so much a liar but I am definitely a father.