Have you ever had the impression that when you look a person square in the eyes and there is an undeniable feeling of contempt and revulsion towards you?
Have you ever been with a person who is completely oblivious to the fact that a third party is giving off the ‘You are scum under my shoe,’ vibe but they don’t know it?
I consider myself a fairly likeable guy. I rarely ever get the vibe that people hate me. I may be naïve and I may be misinterpreting non-verbal cues to the fact that someone dislikes me but I think I’ve developed a pretty good idea of when someone hates me.
I don’t get it often (at least not at the level I felt at that moment when I felt it so intensely the other day) but when I see that much animosity towards me there are a few things that pop into my mind. Some of them are introspective but a lot of them are inciting.
Do these sound familiar?
- Uh, what the hell did I do to you? This perplexes me most when I rarely speak to someone or they hardly know me and yet they find that the only emotion that they feel towards me is hate. If I don’t know what I did to offend you then chances are I didn’t mean to offend you in the first place.
- Do I care? I’d like to say that I don’t but the reality is I do care because I don’t like it when people are hostile towards me or my family. I suppose the real question should be, ‘Do I care enough to make you a priority?’ to which I would answer, ‘Hello no!’ I have other things to worry about and the fact that I care doesn’t mean that I care enough to figure out why you hate me.
- If you hate me, than tell me you hate me and why. I’m old and I’m impatient with frivolous things so the sooner you tell me that you hate me the sooner and the easier it will be for me to ignore you and spend my time on relationships that are worth the effort. Don’t shake my hand if you don’t want to. Let’s just agree that we won’t inhabit the same breathing space and call it good.
- Why are you wasting so much energy on an emotion that makes you look like an @$$40l3 when you can expend the same energy on something more positive? In the grand scheme of things, your hatred towards me only hurts one person – you. You can key my car, I’ll paint over it. You can spread chicken blood and guts on my doorway, I’ll pressure wash it. I’ll still be getting a good workout cleaning up your messes but you’re still the one whose insides are being ravaged by your hate, not me.
- Get over yourself. You’re not that important to me. Something inside you makes you think that you’re more important than you think you are and that’s your problem. Spend your time thinking about others, not about yourself and you’ll feel a lot better.
- I will never hate you and you will never make me hate you. Your hatred will never win.
“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ― Malachy McCourt
- Curiosity may have killed the cat but your animosity will kill you. If I offended you, forgive me. I will and am truly sorry if offense was taken.
I don’t know how to deal with people who hate me other than to take the sage advice of one who was perfect and above the ills of humankind:
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” (Matthew 5:43-44)
I’ll take that advice willingly and with an open heart and mind. And to that guy who hates me for no obvious reason – I don’t hate you, because that’s not how I was raised.